i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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