I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
