omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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