remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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