Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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