ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
