We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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