I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
