I'm going to jail i love you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
