Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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