Pants 0. Shit 1.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
