Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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