I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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