The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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