I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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