Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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