I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just blew my weed a kiss
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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