Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
