The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
