Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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