I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
