why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
