She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
