what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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