i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
