you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Randomize
