Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
