Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
