why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
