It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
