I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
