I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
