A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
