oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
