Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
