just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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