i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
