he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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