just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
