i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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