just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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