dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
