I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
