i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
