Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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