I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
