in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
