mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
