I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
