I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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