just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
